What does it mean when a spouse says she needs to be a whole person?

Married over 15 years with children. There aren't any control issues in the relationship. Parenting, house work, bills are all shared. She has the dominant personality, but not by too much. Big decisions are made together. We laugh and spend time together. Her words are we are a good couple, good friends and good parents. Yet she feels that she is not a whole person and needs to prove she can stand on her own. And she is willing to end the marriage for this reason.What does it mean when a spouse says she needs to be a whole person?
It means she is feeling lost. It happens sometimes that you get so wrapped up in taking care of everyone else, you forget to take care of yourself.





I would try to work with her through this. I know it has to be devastating to hear the things she is saying, but I think if you work with her, she can find a way to find herself without ending the marriage.





Hope everything works out.What does it mean when a spouse says she needs to be a whole person?
Sorry man, she sounds like she does not respect you and feels that she needs a real man in her life (not that I am saying ur not, just that she is) and she does not want to hurt your feelings by saying she is going out to find one, but that she wants to stand on her own. If she has a dominant personality like you said, then she already knows that she can stand on her own, so I think that is a lie that she is telling you, but that is just my thoughts.
That what they all say so like ms m said look more into when someone they have no time for you, or they need space , or time for the self's, or time to find there self's, there is always a reason! why hang on to your marriage if she is willing to end it for the most silliest reason there is! omg i can't believe you can fall for that cause deep down you got know there more to this!
She is going through some kind of internal crisis. I wish I could help you more but this has happened to me, too, in a manner of speaking. Ask her to go to counseling with you or by herself before ending the marriage. She'll end up regretting it if she doesn't.





*edit - it doesn't always mean she's cheating. She might be, she might not. It could be depression.
yeah... there is no way that is her real/only reason.


she may be having an affair but does not want to have that come out until the court and dividing up money, etc are settled since she would get screwed in a divorce if it were known she was cheating.


not pleasant to hear, but she is for sure hiding something.


if i were you, i would hire a private investigator


good luck
First, I'm very sorry you're going through this. There is something she's still lacking. I would say she's looking for more purpose, or lying. Second, consider asking her to counseling. Third, regardless of whether or not you go to counseling - I would suggest you buy the book The Love Dare ... http://thelovedarebook.com/ .. its about a 40 day journey for your marriage.
You need to work on collecting proof she is cheating. It may help you take a bigger piece of the assets when she divorces you. She assumes you are too dumb to realize she has a boyfriend. She is moving on with her life and leaving you behind.
Maybe she feels she's ';lost'; herself in a way. Get into things together that you both love. Encourage her to do things she loves/used to love doing. Maybe when she's see that she has something for herself she won't feel so empty.
i agree w/ ms. m. there is something she isn't telling you here. i'm betting that if she ends the marriage, you will find out that she's seeing someone else almost immediately afterwards.
I think it means that she need more than I can provide. She needs outside stimulation, girlfriends, sisters and work.





Mildred is your friend
Baby you've taken all of me ...Theres shuttin Detroit down ... my fUFU man is gotta come around ... This is mine so let me help you find a relaxing time .. If you don't look ahead my man ...let me take that van!.
That's the ONLY reason she told you...I bet if you start investigating there's way more to it.
She's lying. I bet there's someone else involved.
She found someone else who makes her feel whole.
She sounds like her inner lesbian is coming out.





Does she play golf?
She's willing to ';end'; the marriage though something isn't hugely wrong and she and you have children together and you get along but SHE'S not fulfilled? Right now? Don't think too much of her - she made a commitment to marriage and rearing her children and now she wants to go off and find herself? She made her choice(s) - she'llhave more when those children ARE raised up...to leave now is truly the epitome of selfishness...





May be she DOES need a break and to be separated for a couple of months...If you truly love her, you might consider that kind of a break (though goodluck trying to explain to the children...) She may be back sooner than later, then again, she may have no problem leaving you and the kids.





I think she needs counseling badly...maybe she wants to finish her education, go outside and work full time, whatever she feels she needs to get out of this what could be, depression. Obviously she needs help...it's up to you how much rope you want to give her...Sounds kinda immature to be doing it now, if not selfish. -Then again, if I'm misreading and she's hugely depressed? Well, she needs counseling, NO MATTER WHAT.





Sincerely,





Grace