How do you get over the hurtful things said during a fight with your spouse?

We've already apologized, but I still feel like crap and I can't sleep. We've fought before but some of the things he said tonight really got to me.How do you get over the hurtful things said during a fight with your spouse?
I totally know what you're going through. My husband and I didn't have a fight, but we have discussed some rough situations and that has led to hurt feelings.


Sometimes it's hard to forget things that have been said and it's even more difficult when you live with the person who said them - because just their presence reminds you of it.


My husband and I went away for a weekend and got out of our flat and away from it all. It's helped. We still have a way to go, but we're both showing each other how much we care about each other...and that's helping.


You'll never forget what was said, but as time goes on it'll seem less important.


The only thing I would warn against - which I have to remind myself of daily - is not to ';get him back';. That'll just make things worse...and if you're still feeling hurt about it, tell him and talk about it.How do you get over the hurtful things said during a fight with your spouse?
Things that are said can really cut into people. It may take time to get over it this time but talking it out with him may help you a little bit.


This may not be much coming from an 18 year old but my boyfriend and I fight once in awhile and he's said hurtful things to me. The words he said hurt me horribly for days. I finally said something to him about it and he was understanding and it really helped me to get over it.


You could even try talking to a best friend or someone you trust a lot to help you if your scared it might start another fight with your spouse.


But for me it was always more calming to me to talk to the person who hurt me to begin with.
My husband is in the doghouse since two days. We haven't even apologized and I don't feel like I really have to this time. We haven't even spoken for two days.


Marriage is hard work and sometimes, we let things really get into us after a fight. As you said, we say ';hurtful'; things, out of ';spite'; and anger. Although you have already apologized, it doesn't mean problems ';just go away'; so easy. Maybe, in a couple of days, things will feel better and the dialogue will come back as if nothing ever happened. Time will tell.
Some men will say the meanest things they can think of to hurt you, and they can claim they don't mean it, but I personally don't believe that. To me, if they didn't feel that way, it wouldn't even be in their minds to even say it aloud. What you feel about yourself is what's most important. Yes, you care what he thinks and his opinion of you does matter, but it's not his place to judge you. Verbal abuse is not acceptable, and I'd do some reading up it.
My husband used to say hurtful things in the spur of the moment just to win a fight. It was very hurtful to me.





That is why I started holding him accountable for each and every ugly thing he said while fighting. I made him understand that even though he says he doesn't mean it, I don't believe him and I take what he said as the truth. At some time he has to take responsibility for what he says.
People say things they don't mean in arguments. When you have been together for very long, you know how to push each other's buttons, and that is what happens in a bad argument. If you are sincerely worried about it, wait until a later time when you are both in a good mood, and talk to him about what he said and why it hurt you.
I don't understand why people argue. My husband and I have disagreements but we never say ugly things to each other. We just try to resolve whatever problem we're having. I love him and I feel it when he is hurt. I certainly will not be the one to cause him pain.





Maybe you two could decide that in the future you will not discuss problems until you've each had time to think it through, calm down if you're feeling angry, plan what points you want to make and can treat each other with love and respect.
Everyone is just trying to 1 up the other person. Cut a deal with him. If he cools of on the hurtful things, so will you. Then you both can focus on resolving the disagreement rather than bringing it on! Just knowing you have agreed on this will help you get over the previous one.
We all say things in the heat of the moment....things we regret and wished we had never said.


l would say the majority of people can relate to what you are saying here.


And the funny thing is....most arguments start with something so trivial.....and then we hit a crescendo...and bang ...it is on.


Don't lose any sleep....it's amazing how soon it will be forgotten.
It is hard to. My husband used to do this when we were first married. I told him one night he was arguing with his wife not having a bar fight. It worked and he quit.